Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Boy Mama

This has been on my mind for about 3+ years now.  So after the little incident I had at a football game last night I'm going to put my thoughts on my blog.  Its my blog, I can do whatever I want! 

Anyway, the following scenario or something similar to it happens to me a lot.  Like weekly.  And has since I was pregnant with Aiden.  It doesn't matter if we are at a restaurant, a family event, church, Wal-Mart, get the idea right?

It goes something like this...
Total stranger says to us, "Wow four boys."  We always smile and say "Yep, four boys."  They then look at me, very sympathetic and say, "I'm so sorry."  Sometimes I just get the sympathetic look with an, "Are you going to try for a girl?"  or "Are you done yet?"  Or whatever stupid thing people say that they think is their business. 

This has got me thinking over the years. When people say things like this to me they are really putting down my boys.  They are really being insulting.  I'm sure they don't mean to be insulting.  But if you think about it, they are.  They are implying that something is wrong with my family.  There is nothing wrong with my family, there is definitely nothing wrong with my children.  And a family doesn't need to have a little girl toddling around, "to be complete." 

Which brings me to what happend last night.  This mom at the football game told me I was her fear.  She is currently a mother of two boys.  She doesn't want a third child for the fear that it will be another boy.  At this point in the conversation I realize she thinks I just have three boys so I correct her and say, "Actually, I have four boys."  And she says, "Ugh, no way!  I could never have four boys!  Don't you just look around and see the little girl that is missing?" 

No, I do not.  I see nothing missing from my family and I would not trade any of my boys for a girl, which is really what it sounds like when people comment on my four boys.  Should I sell one, give him away, whatever because we had another boy? 

Honestly, I don't know if we are going to have another child or not.  If it happens, it happens.  Do I want a boy or a girl?  I really don't care.  (Although we are TOTALLY out of boy names!)  I'm just grateful to have four HEALTHY children.  In my little habit of blog-stalking people I've realized there are so many sick children in the world, how can I complain or desire a change in my children when, if nothing else, they are healthy and happy? So if there is another baby Dolezal in our little world, we won't care if its a boy or a girl (whatever it would be, it would have to like trains anyway).  We'll be happy with whomever Heavenly Father gives us.

I don't know if a family of all girls gets the same attention as a family of all boys.  Please share your experiences, I would love to hear them.

This blog post really got me thinking more so about my experiences with people, because when you have a large family you get a lot of stares and comments.  I love this mom's response to people.  It was quoted by Elder Anderson in our last General Conference.  If an apostle reads it, its worth your time right?


Unknown said...

I'm sorry you get that. I understand all people have an opinion, but it doesn't mean it has to be voiced. Just because they feel like something is missing in their life they gotta judge others.

cd said...

Honestly, it made me sad for her. It must feel horrible to look at your children and be disappointed with what you see.

Diane said...

After having 3 girls when I finally had my boy everyone would comment "You finally got your boy!" We didn't really care one way or the other if any of our children were a boy or girl. We just wanted a happy, healthy baby! And now that we have had another girl people are like "Oh, your poor boy. Surrounded by all those mothers". I just politely smile. I love my children, each of them for who they are and wouldn't trade any of them for the world. Although sometimes I would like to have one more boy just so Aaron would have a brother to do all those boy things with. But if that is not in Heavenly Father's plan for our family then he will just have to be content doing boy things with daddy, like changing the oil and rotating tires. It makes my heart soar everytime they do things like that together.

And your boys are so adorable! If you are ever out the KC way give us a shout. We'd love to see you guys!

cd said...


Thats my fear of having a girl. Plus I think girls need sisters and I don't think I have it in me to go for 6!

Marci said...

i think you should have 4 boys then 4 girls and report on the differences between raising boys and girls. If you do, please take more than one pew at church. It would make me feel better.